its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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