you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
