i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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