when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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