We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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