Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
