I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
