Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
