We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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