trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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