so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Randomize
