I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize