Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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