Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
