Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
