Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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