1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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