just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
