I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize