how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
