just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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