i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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