You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
