you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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