I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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