i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
