I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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