So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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