Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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