Plan B is the new Plan A
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
