I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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