Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
