I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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