Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
