im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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