He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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