I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
