i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
