I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
