my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
