how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need a beard to bite.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
