OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
