i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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