I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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