i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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