i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
