you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize