Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
