im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The uberlube is also flammable
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
