sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
