I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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