yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
