it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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