i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
