Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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