keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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