Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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