I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
