hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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