Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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