She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
