can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
