Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
