And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
