Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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