I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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