Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
