You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
