I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
