2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
