Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
