i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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