I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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