Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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