i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
