In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
