My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
