i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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