Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
did i just pee glitter
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