when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize