Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize