Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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