Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
