Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
