do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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