No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
