I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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