between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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