Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
