She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
