I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
