why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
