I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize