This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
