My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
