I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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