Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
