ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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